Traveling With Adult Children: Learning to Adventure Together, But Differently

Traveling with children is one of the great rewards and challenges of parenting. But, as children get older, traveling with adult children takes a different mindset. After traveling for over six years with our adult children, we have discovered what we must adjust to enjoy a true family vacation.

TRAVEL TIPSDOWNSIZING & TRAVEL LIFE

8/26/20264 min read

We had just stepped off the shuttle and were ready to head to our destination for the day when one of our children stopped and remembered out loud:

“Oh, I need to pay the rent.”

“Yeah, why are they calling me?” Rea asked.

“What? They’ve been calling you? How come?” Liam responded.

“I don’t know. The rent isn’t overdue.” Rea said.

“We’d better call them now.” Liam insisted.

And just like that, our plans were put on hold.

Our children are adults now, and adulthood travels with them. If we want to continue having adventures together, we’ve learned that we have to travel together differently.

As our children were growing, we made it a habit of going on adventures. Cruises, an RV trek across America, and adventures in our home state were family activities and vacations we, the parents, would plan, organize, and make happen.

But they have moved on to college, we have sold our home, and now much of our time together happens when we travel to Japan during their ‘vacation’ breaks from school. And when we get together, things have changed. They aren’t children anymore, and the dynamics during our travels have changed. And I believe for the better!

The most important aspect has been recognizing that our roles have changed, accepting those changes, and taking on more responsibility for the success of the trip. We stopped controlling the narrative. Now, instead of us planning our destination, transportation, lodging, and food, our children take on some of that responsibility. We decide as a group where we want to visit, what attractions we want to see, the best ways of getting to the destination, etc. In our new roles, we find balance and appreciation for each other’s interests. One of us may be drawn to history, another to local culture, someone else to outdoor activities, and another to local cuisine. Instead of expecting everyone to want the same experience, we try to make room for each person’s interests on some level. The result is a genuine family vacation.

1. Everyone doesn’t get to do everything THEY want to do.

Compromise means sharing each other’s interests—and sometimes discovering something you never knew you’d enjoy. A good example was our trip to the city of Hakodate, in Hokkaido, the northern island of Japan’s archipelago. We decided to experience a “winter” adventure and Hakodate offered an activity for each of our interests. Culturally, there is an amazing fish market and shopping district, with a tram offering transportation throughout the city. Near the bay, we enjoyed local ramen and a winter celebration festival. For those with an interest in history, there is Hakodate’s star-shaped fort, Goryōkaku. There is also the Mt. Hakodate Ropeway, which starts in Sanroku and takes you to the summit, offering amazing views of the city below. For the animal enthusiast in our family, we visited the Hakodate Tropical Botanical Garden where approximately 50 Japanese macaques soak in an outdoor onsen pool. And my personal favorite activity was our walk to the beach, where instead of sand, we walked on snow next to the ocean.

2. You don’t have to do everything together.

A little time apart can make the time together even better. This happened several times while we visited Hakodate. We split up into pairs and headed to activities that interested only some of us. Rea and I visited the fish market while the boys investigated boats anchored in the harbor.

3. Let them take the lead.

They’re adults now. Sometimes they know the restaurant, train, neighborhood—or adventure—you would never have chosen. Sometimes activities don’t go as planned and unexpected events happen that end up adding to the color of the activity. One day in Hakodate, our son was interested in seeing an area with a history of expats and adventurers from other countries who were buried in separate cemeteries from native Japanese residents. We began the trek and followed our maps, with our son leading the way. Then a snow flurry moved in and caught us outdoors in very cold weather. We weren’t in any danger, and none of us were having difficulty. I remember an older Japanese lady standing near her front door watching us walk through a snow flurry. We wondered what she was thinking about these tourists trudging by. By the end of the day’s adventure, we did find the “foreigners’ cemetery,” which also rewarded us with a spectacular view of the bay.

4. Different schedules are okay.

Not everyone needs to wake up, eat, leave, or call it a night at the same time. We four adults are definitely on different schedules. Thinking again of Hakodate, we stayed at an awesome hotel that had an onsen and offered breakfast every morning. Reaghan and I are early risers, and we often went to breakfast or took a dip in the hotel’s onsen to start the day. Often the boys would head to a convenience store for a more Western-style breakfast of yogurt and eggs.

5. Remember, they’re not children anymore.

You’re no longer taking them on vacation. You’re traveling with them. And with that, while you travel, they are adults taking care of adult issues that come up during the trip. Often plans have to be postponed or changed to accommodate time needed to address issues that arise from their school, jobs or other responsibilities. They may be managing schedules, sending emails, communicating with professors, or completing paperwork that has to be turned in before the end of the vacation. Things that come along with being an adult go with them on vacation.

Traveling with our adult children has taught us that family adventures don’t end when the children grow up, but they do have to change. We’ve learned to give up some control, adjust our expectations, and understand that everyone now brings their own interests, schedules, responsibilities, and ideas to the adventure. We aren’t taking our children on vacation anymore; we’re four adults choosing to travel together. And perhaps that has been the biggest realization of all. Our adventures are no longer about creating experiences for our children, but about creating experiences with them—and appreciating this new chapter of our family along the way.